True Story
Mai Khana Banaaega. And I don’t want any help
So, today wanting to impress my girls, I bravely declared, “I will do all the cooking!”. There was pin drop silence. Clearly, Omya and Bhairavi had a look “Fir to Swiggy karna padega” Priya’s body language “Oh No, I spend 30 minutes cleaning the kitchen after he makes one cup of tea! Here we are talking about cooking full meal! Even I wouldn’t allow that. But to my utter surprise Priya said “OK, but I will overlook and help where required”
Mera EGO aa gaya.
“Koi help ka jaroorat nahi hai. I don’t want you near the kitchen.
“Jitu, I don’t want an explosion in the Kitchen, I will just keep an eye and help you from here”
“OK. Just nudges.“ I say.
Little did I know, I was signing up for extraordinary lesson on kitchen cleanliness under Priya’s OCD eyes!
I opened the fridge.
“Jitu, please wash your hands first before you touch anything in the fridge!
Thus began the handwashing saga! You know how normal people just rinse their hands and get on with it? Not in Priya’s world! First, you wash your hands (and feet) thoroughly with soap and use a specific towel if you are going to use the kitchen. You cannot use any other 15 napkins, cloth, towels available for you… Not just any towel, mind you, but one that seems to have its own personality—pristine and fluffy.
Just imagine the pain for someone like me… F.O.R.G.E.T about using your PANTS! That’s a crime that could get you killed by Priya.
And the handwashing just didn’t stop there! After every single activity—cutting tomatoes? Wash hands. Slicing green chilies? Wash hands. Chopping coriander? You guessed it—wash those hands!
My daughters Omya and Bhairavi kept looking at me and burst into giggles.
I am merrily cutting the veggies. “No, no, no!” She Yelled…
“Mereko laga kitchen mein aag lag gaya”
Please dispose of the piece right after cutting each veggie!” she insists. I argue that this is inefficient; she argues that it’s basic cleanliness.
Priya’s says, “A clean kitchen is a happy kitchen.” And boy, does she take this seriously! When I picked up the oil, she instructs “Please keep a dish after you pour. I don’t want the oil on the Kitchen countertop (Google karna pada, we call it Ota). Also, please keep this tissue handy, so that you can wipe off the sides and the bottom of the container”.
But it doesn’t stop there! Even the floor must be cleaned regularly. As tiny bits of veggies drop to the floor, it has to picked up immediately, lest I stomp on it to make the entire kitchen floor messy. Priya has a special mat to keep the kitchen floor clean! Yes, folks, a mat.
And the gas stove? Oh, it has to be “super-duper clean.” I can’t even put a vessel directly on the burner without a layer of aluminium foil underneath. Felt like I am preparing for a science experiment in our kitchen.
And there is a special cloth/napkin/towel for each. And to make sure one uses the right one for right thing, she has them in different colors, texture and sizes.
Girls giggling continued. My ‘condition’ was apparently comedy gold!”
I will keep the actual cooking story for later. Haan abhi cleaning ka story baaki hai. We have a bai who comes for washing utensils. So, I just kept all the utensils in the sink.
Un Aaa… Nope. That is a crime of extraordinary proportion.
“Jitu, please rinse them and then keep them in the sink. No need to wash”.
To maintain the peace and harmony in the house, I just nodded and started rinsing it. In my world, rinsing means keeping the utensil under the water for few seconds, but not for Priya. Her definition of “rinsing” is a whole different level. Imagine a car wash for pots and pans—water jets, soap suds, the works! I half-expected her to ask me to pull out a wax and polish for the frying pan. “We need to deep rinse this,” she says
“I am done…. Not cooking again in this Janam”
Priya and my girls have a good laugh. I joined them in the laughter wondering “What is tougher – cooking a meal or maintaining the kitchen clean?”
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