2nd November 2016
Mumbai
It was a hot day and I had been traveling across the city quite a bit. It was one of those days when the temperature here was competing with temperature in Venus. (Mercury se bhi zyaada hot hai re Venus).
I was tired, reaalllly really thirsty and hungry. And a stroooonggg urge to have a really ice cold thirst quenching yummy juice started developing in me. Itna ki aisa galaa ka end tak poora sookh raha tha.
So, you would say-toh juice khareed ke drink na?!
Yeah yeah…getting there.
I was around a high-end, high-fi show-sha wala club that also had a restaurant…a decent one. Dil ka pyaas yehi bujhega laga…
I walked in and dekha, ekdam mast chakachak place…
I selected a table and sat.
Aaya waiter…
Waiter: “Good afternoon sir, Kya loge?”.
Kya baat hai, what courtesy haan!
Me: “Mast thanda juice milega?”
Waiter: “Haan sir.. Kyon nahi… Ye lo Juice ka menu … Kaunsa chahiye aapko?”
I looked at the high-quality menu card. I guess a large proportion of their budget had gone into designing it. You know, the kind of menu card that has fascinating pictures of food… fruits, juices and ice creams? It pretty much acts as an appetite stimulant…a glance at it and mouth starts watering instantly. It was one of those..:)
And so…I quickly browse through the menu and immediately know what I want.
I love peach fruit.
Me: “Ye Peach Apricot juice dena yaar. Mast thanda dena.”
He makes a note and walks away.
Idhar mera mooh mein smile…finally, after all this bhayankar dhoop and garmi, a nice juice as desired. Aaha. Mazzaa aaega! I look around appreciating the restaurant while waiting for the juice.
In a few minutes, the guy is walking back towards me, with a tray in his hand which holds a glass with juice.
I stare at the Juice. Stare kyu?
Well, look at what he got.
Rangeeeelaaaaa reeeeeeeyyyyyyy
Arrey baba… it’s the right picture… that’s what he got.
Me: “Bhaisaab, ye mera order nahi. Ye kisi aur ka hoga. Galti se strawberry juice laaya lagta hai.”
Waiter: “Nahi sir, ye Peach Apricot juice hi hai. Aapne yehi maanga tha na?”
Me, totally zapped : “Yaar, color se to ye strawberry lag raha hai.”
Waiter: “Haan sir, sahi bola, strawberry ice cream hi hai.”
Me (perplexed): “Huh? Yeh (pointing at the transparent bottom part of the juice) niche apricot hai ki peach?”
Waiter (now annoyed): “Nahi Saab…Pineapple hai. Yahan aisa hi hai.”
Me (now controlling my laugh): “Toh fir Peach Apricot kyon bolte ho?”
Waiter (with straight face): “Yahan aisa hi hai…”
Me (at wits end, yet patiently): “ok…manager ko bulao.”
In what world is a Peach Apricot juice a Stawberry Pineapple and woh bhi some ice-cream wala juice!?
Am sure yeh waiter naya hai, and has goofed up.
Manager comes.
Me (nodding my head in disbelief indicating something has gone wrong with the order): “Ye dekho boss… Bol raha hai Peach Apricot hai.”
Manager: “Correct bol raha hai. Ye Peach Apricot hi hai. Yahan aisa hi hai.”
Whaatt the…
I now start tapping my heart (following Aamir Khan’s 3 idiots ka advise) murmuring
aal is well, aall iz well…
hahaha… I didn’t want to argue further and spoil my mood. And theirs.
Kaisa restaurant hai re yeh?! Yahan aisa hi hai?!!!
But nevertheless, I had to ask…so
Me: “Theek hai boss, daal chaawal mein kya hota hai?”
Waiter (sheepishly): Sir, kayko mazak kar rahe ho? Daal chaawal mein… Daal aur Chawal hi hoga na…”
Me: “Wah! Bacchh gaya! Thank God. Ek daal chawal laana!”
I am scarred for life! A juice that is not what it is but is something else and an ice-cream! Atrangi toh yeh hai!
Now yesterday I visit a hotel. In times like these, one can’t be too sure…so…
Me: “Orange juice dena…
.
.
but oranges se hi banaoge na? ”
Waiter pauses for a second, gives a stare with no clue of the depth of where this came from, notes the order and walks away thinking…
“cha maai la…Kaisa yeda customer hai bey.”
Well, yahan aisa bhi hota hai!